Lady died last night. She was our golden retriever, a wonderful dog and long time family friend. Lady came into our lives one Christmas when Ann Marie was three and John Mark had just turned one. She was a stray that had been found wondering around Mountain Brook where I was a police officer at the time. No one had claimed her, so that Christmas she became ours.

She was a wonderful dog. All four children laid all over her; pulling her ears, her fur, and loving her as toddlers and children often love their dogs. She never snapped at them, even in her old age.

When we were building our house about ten years ago, Ann Marie and John Mark went “exploring” in the woods behind our house as Alisa and I were working inside. It didn’t take long for us to notice they were gone, but we had no idea where they went. As she made a more thorough search of the house, I took off into the woods. A few minutes into my search Ann Marie answered my cries. When I found the two of them they weren’t alone, Lady was right there with them.

When I received the call last night I was in Atlanta finishing up with my last counseling client. Lady, who had been running and chasing balls just two days before, was lying in the front yard unable to get up.

Ann Marie was so upset she couldn’t talk with me on the phone. When she was finally able she answered my questions between tears, and I tried my best to comfort her as I made my way back home on I-20.

Mitch, at the age of six, was more matter of fact. When he got on the phone he simply said, “Lady’s dying.” He answered my questions with facts: “She won’t open her eyes. She is having a hard time breathing.” Alisa later told me how Mitch talked about his sadness, but never cried. He did tell her that he wanted a picture of her to keep with him.

At the age of two, Jackson just repeated what Mitch said. He was just glad to see me back home in the middle of the week. He loved Lady, but will probably have no memory of her.

John Mark just got quiet. His sadness was apparent, but he didn’t want to talk about it. I later learned that part of his feeling bad was that he wasn’t responding emotionally, as his mother and sister were.

This gave me the opportunity to explain to him that it is ok to be different. People grieve differently. It doesn’t mean that he loved Lady any less or any more than anyone else. Just as his grief was different, so was his relationship with her, simply because he was a different person.

As I reflect on the events of the last twelve hours I am reminded of how wonderfully different God made each of us. Each of us loved and played with Lady, and each of us had similar but different relationships with her.

Some of those differences were based on time constraints, how we chose to react to her or interact with her, or on our unique personalities. Just as we interacted with her in unique ways, we also grieved differently.

Sometimes we think that we have to be like everyone else. We hide our uniqueness because people question it. We are afraid to be different because we don’t want to be made fun of or made to feel like we don’t belong.

There is nothing wrong with feeling differently about something. In fact, God made us that way on purpose so we could support and encourage each other. So, the next time you start to yield to the temptation to be like everyone else or question why you are different just remember that everyone is different; and different isn’t bad, it’s just different!





– Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling.